GoBeyond

The transition to parenthood has been smoother than expected, but sleepless nights with a crying baby present inevitable challenges. When my newborn, River, refuses to settle despite feeding, changing, and comforting, I’ve learned that resisting the situation—clinging to sleep and disengaging—only amplifies my exhaustion and stress. Instead, embracing acceptance as an active choice allows me to respond with clarity, patience, and effectiveness, leading to quicker resolutions and a more peaceful night. Much like navigating a river, parenting becomes easier when I move with the flow rather than fight against it. This powerful mindset shift extends beyond newborn care—embracing fears that come up with challenges in life, rather than resisting them, fosters resilience, growth, and a greater sense of control.

Fear is an uncomfortable but necessary emotion that prompts us to adapt and grow. While sharing burdens often makes them lighter, fear doesn’t work the same way—spreading it can amplify its weight rather than alleviate it. When we voice our fears to others, especially in response to their challenges, we risk burdening them instead of helping. Instead of reacting with fear, leading with curiosity can provide clarity and empowerment. By asking thoughtful questions, we encourage reflection and preparation, either reassuring us of their readiness or prompting necessary reassessment. Handling fear wisely helps us navigate challenges with confidence rather than spreading unnecessary worry.

The Formidable Four—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—represent our instinctive primal reactions to fear and perceived danger. While these responses can be lifesaving in dire situations, their effectiveness depends on the context. For example, freezing when one should fight or fawning when one should flee can be detrimental. It’s not fear itself but our reaction to it that influences outcomes. I’ve traditionally leaned towards flight or fawn, which served me well until I faced a situation in Joshua Tree National Park where these reactions were inadequate. During a perilous climb, my inclination to flee was overridden by my climbing partner’s calm, encouraging me to fight instead. This shift in approach, honed through practice in safer moments, saved my life and highlighted the importance of intentionally developing our reactions to fear. Understanding and mastering our instinctive responses can transform challenges into opportunities for growth and survival.